exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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