the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
