Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
