Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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