The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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