As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
