Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Everyone says I win the strip club
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
