hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
