You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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