like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
