Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
