If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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