you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
