He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
