I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
