the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
