sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
