Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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