By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
