she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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