I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
