I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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