He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
