she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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