If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
