i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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