Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
