You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
