How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
