She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
