So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
