I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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