come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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