i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
