You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
the liver wants what the liver wants
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
