Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
