Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
