life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
