Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
