then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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