Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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