It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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