awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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