You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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