Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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