i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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