my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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