I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
