i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
