i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
