you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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