Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
