Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
