Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
