Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize