Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
