3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
