He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
