i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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