Im at strip club and am horny
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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