he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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