What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
