hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My vagina is officially offended.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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