I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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