All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
