whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
