would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
