I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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