have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
