if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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