I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
