You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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