Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
