Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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