And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
