I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
