Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
